Muslim men and families in Indonesia and Malaysia are frequently described as patriarchal. Based on long-term ethnographic research in Muslim communities in rural Central Java and northern peninsular Malaysia, this paper argues that discourses of masculinity do not emphasize authority, but rather focus on responsibility, guidance, and provisioning. While women emphasize obedience to their husbands in their scripts of femininity, this does not correlate to an emphasis on authority in men’s scripts of masculinity. Rather, men see their role as leaders of their families (pemimpin keluarga) as a responsibility to provide guidance, instruction, and advice to their wives and children. Insofar as notions of patriarchal authority exist, men do not valorize control. Where such authority does exist, it is understood as protection rather than control. Moreover, notions of patriarchal authority are countered by more prominent discourses of mutual cooperation (berkerjasama), sharing of burdens (bantu-membantu), and mutual affection (mawaddah warohmah).